Most of my blog readers are familiar with my Stepmom journey. It’s not been a great one due to a hostile Biomom who lied about child abuse and sexual child abuse. Which I was later cleared on these allegations, yet the Biomom still chooses to use this lie to keep her child away from my husband. The Biomom refuses to give my bonus daughter her rights despite several court hearings and judge’s orders. This type of abuse is very common in hostile divorce cases. Dealing with parental alienation is difficult to deal with. When my bonus daughters birthday comes around it’s always a cloud of mixed emotions. It’s always difficult dealing with these emotions and the situation especially on her birthday and the holidays. But let’s be real, it’s a struggle everyday. I just tend to hide it better during most of the year.
I wanted to post something for today for my bonus daughter even though she’s been alienated from her Daddy and I since 2008 due to her mothers actions. Today is my bonus daughters 16th birthday. There are two more years until my bonus daughter is 18. I began to think about my bonus daughters age. It dawned on me that just because she turns 18 doesn’t mean her mother will stop the mental abuse, manipulation, and lies. Turning 18 doesn’t mean my bonus daughter will not have to deal with the pain that her mother caused her. You would think any decent human being would know not to place their child in the middle of a battle that isn’t theirs to fight. Yet this abuse has been happening since 2008. Lawyer after lawyer. Judge after judge. This abuse from the Biomom will not stop because no one is holding her accountable for her actions.
Every single year I try to gather my emotions and post something for my bonus daughter. Maybe one day she will see we did want her around. Maybe one day she will see the truth. But for now she’s being manipulated by her mother and there’s nothing that will ever make those wounds better. My bonus daughter needs her Daddy. Her real Daddy. She needs stability, a safe place to run to, and a parent who sees her truth worth and doesn’t abuse her. I just wish I could make things better but I can’t. I wish I could make all of this time that my husband has missed out with his daughter come back, but I can’t. This is a hard truth for many of us alienated Stepmoms.
I wanted to blog some of the following to my bonus daughter on this blog
No matter what time of year it is I always have the following thoughts about this whole situation you have been placed in due to someone who says they love you. I wish you were treated like a human being with rights instead of a pawn that is used to hurt your Daddy and I. I wish you could see the value in yourself despite the mental abuse that you are going through because of someone who says they love you. Each year is a new year to change. Yet you are still being mentally abused and manipulated by someone who says they love you. I wish you could have your rights just like any other child should have when they are growing up in split home. I wish you could spend your birthday and the holidays with your Daddy and create memories with him, but someone who says they love you has removed your rights since 2008. I’m sorry that your mother would rather mentally abuse you, lie to you, and manipulate you, and still says she’s loves you. I’m sorry I can’t fix this issue for you. We can’t tell you Happy Birthday. We can’t tell you happy holidays. We haven’t been able to for years. It hurts us. I’m sure that hurt is nothing compared to the hurt you will feel the day you see your mother for who she really is. I wish this type of abuse would end but there’s only one person who can stop the abuse. Your mother has no interest in setting her ego aside and doing what is best for you.
These words are not being okay for a child to read at 16. Maybe these words are too much of the truth for a teen to comprehend. I never know what to say. I honestly don’t know because it all boils down to the fact that my bonus daughter is being manipulated and mentally abused by her own mother. To me that still bothers me deeply because I know that narcs are the most damaging causing people on the face of this planet. I can’t tell my bonus daughter how awful her mother has been to her all of this time. It’s not my place to do that. So how do you deal with the hurt that has been here since 2008? What do you do for your bonus daughter that is being lied to, manipulated, and mentally abused? What do you tell them on their birthday and holidays? Happy Birthday! Here’s to another year of being mentally abused, manipulated, and lied to by the person who is supposed to keep you away from evil people. It’s another birthday. It’s another holiday. It’s everyday. This hurt is everyday and I’m sure it’s the same for my bonus daughter.